Dear 10 Year Old Me

I saw somewhere, I can't remember where, someone suggest writing a letter to 10 year old you.  So I thought about this.  What would I say to 10 year old me?  I thought about warning 10 year old me about things that would happen, or things to do or not do, or tell 10 year old me about great things that will happen, or things to not worry about, etc.  This is what I ended up writing to 10 year old me-

Dear 10 year old me,

I could write you and tell you all these things about your future.  Things that will happen, things about who you are and who you become.  Things to do and things not to do.  Things you don’t need to worry about.  But all of the things you will go through will help to shape you into who you become, and you will be happy with who you become.  It won’t be easy to get there, there will be pain and you will make mistakes, but without them, you wouldn’t become me.  So all I will tell you is to look for the beauty.  Look for the beauty in the world, the beauty in the small things, the beauty in the pain.  Don’t run or hide from the pain and the hard times, just remember to look for the beauty in them.

Love,

27 year old me

I Love...

I started this list in 2004 I think and have been adding to it a bit since that time.  What do you love?

I love the feeling of walking barefoot in sand. 
I love the sound of a tennis ball and racquet connecting on a perfect swing. 
I love animals, especially dogs, and even cats, although I say I don’t. 
I love walking in the woods and climbing mountains. 
I love sunsets. I love watching them and taking pictures of them. And I’d probably love sunrises too if I even slightly enjoyed mornings and ever woke up to see one. 
I love when someone is so excited about something, they make me excited too, even if I didn’t originally care at all about what they’re excited about. 
I love to be tickled. Not the annoying poking kind, but the nice, soft, relaxing kind. 
I love pop rocks. Especially when I get one so big it kind of hurts when it pops. 
I love music and I love to sing and dance (alone), even though I’m not good and don’t know much about it. 
I love hugs. 
I love the way my mouth feels right after I brush my teeth. 
I love watching little kids. And I love playing little games with them when their parents aren’t watching.
I love those moments in life when I feel deep joy and peace. 
I love laughing so hard that I cry. 
I love those moments when I am talking with someone and one of us says “oh my gosh, me too!” 
I love the smell of pine trees and the way they whisper when the wind blows through them. 
I love summer thunder storms- the sights, sounds & smells of them and the tense excited feeling I get when they come. 
I love getting notes and messages from people for no reason other than for them to say “I love you.” 
I love crunching leaves under my feet in the fall and I will go out of my way to step on an extra-crunchy-looking leaf. 
I love finding a new song that I love so much that I basically have it on repeat for about 2 weeks straight. 
I love people watching. 
I love looking up into the night sky when there are big fluffy white snowflakes falling down.
I love the time of day I call The Golden Hour. When the sun is setting and the world looks as though it is glowing.
I love getting so absorbed into a good foreign movie that I eventually don’t even realize I am reading subtitles.

We Live Here Together

I live in a low-income housing apartment.  I have heard comments made about expectations of what people assume my neighbors to be, but I have never had a bad experience.  Everyone says hello to me.  One time I held the door for a woman taking her dogs out.  We exchanged a pleasant greeting and when I got up to my apartment I realized I had left my keys in the entrance door when I opened it for her.  I ran back downstairs and the woman was waiting in the lobby for me with my keys.  The other day I had my hands full of groceries and a woman walking by pushed the elevator button for me to help me out.  Small simple things that say "we live here together."

Take a Seat - Make a Friend?

I usually share my own stories.  But I must share my newest favorite video!  This is definitely "the little things are the big things"!

Cab Driver

I love cab drivers.  Mostly because usually they are from foreign countries and I can often talk about Africa with them or use some of the Arabic I know:).  Last night that wasn't the case, but it was my favorite cab driver I've had so far.

He was an older (older being relative, not old-old, but older to me) soft-spoken African American man.  We talked about his cats and my dog and some small chat, but then he started telling me about his art.  He can draw anything and does graphic design and airbrush art but his passion is designing clothes.  He started designing clothes in 10th grade.  He used to draw so much his friends told him he was going to go crazy.  He had some of his design sketches with him and let me look at them.  He says they are a futuristic style.  I told him some of them looked like something Michael Jackson would have worn.  He said he designed some for Michael and always dreamed of meeting him and being able to show them to him. He told me that he has dreams where his design ideas come to him.  Sometimes a dream of a whole fashion show of new ideas.  So now he keeps a notebook by his bed so he can sketch them before he forgets them.

We talked about how I always wanted to be a children's author and how before I could write I would tell my grandma stories and she would write them down for me and I would draw the pictures.  He told me he always pushed his daughter to write stories too and that she loved it like I did.

He was sweet and exuded a gentleness about him.  I loved hearing about his passion and was honored that he shared some of it with me.  He got a good tip :)

Dancing Fairy

I just saw a fairy dancing in the tree outside my balcony. Upon focusing, what was it "actually?" The setting sun reflecting off a strand of spiderweb that would generally go unnoticed. But really, maybe these are one in the same.

Lilith Fair

I should have written about this a long time ago but I forgot.  I recently heard Family Affair by Mary J. Blige and everytime I do I am reminded of this "little big thing" moment.

When Lilith Fair first became popular I was too young to go by myself and didn't have anyone who would take me.  I dreamed of going though and have loved many of the musicians that were involved in it forever.  Last summer (or was it the one before?) when they brought Lilith Fair back I was FINALLY able to fulfill my dream of going.

Sitting in my seat for the main stage acts I looked around.  Certain "groups" of people were clear.  A whole row consisted of a family in jeans, cowboys hats, and Miranda Lambert t-shirts.  It was clear these country-lovin' folks came specifically to see Ms. Lambert and did not show up until the main stage acts went on because they did not care about the others.  Then there were groups of African Americans that were clearly specifically there to see Mary J. Blige and did not show up until the main stage acts went on because they too did not care about the others.  Then there was the "typical" Lilith Fair crowd that had been there all day and probably cared the least about Miranda & Mary's acts.

But something awesome happened.  When Mary J. Blige sang Family Affair EVERYONE danced and sang along.  The cowboy hat wearing clan in front of me were moving just the same as the groups of African Americans (although with a bit less rhythm) and so was the "typical" crowd.  I don't know if anyone else noticed it or if they were just paying attention to what the moment was doing for them, but I noticed it.  I looked around and saw how music brought so many different people together.  How despite the differences, this one song and moment brought shared smiles and movement to EVERYONE there.

Great Weekend

Recently Indiana made national news.  Not for a good thing.  In a church in Greenwoood a 3-year-old boy sang a song about "ain't no homos gonna make it to heaven."  At this line the whole congregation gave a standing ovation.  Hate is taught.  And it's national news.  However, this weekend was Indy Pride.  I wish the national news would mention how many churches were a part of the Indy Pride parade and festival.  I don't know how many exactly, but it was a good amount.  I got teary eyed a few times during the parade.  Once when I first got there, seeing a whole city celebrate a people who are so often discriminated against.  Also when many of the churches went by sharing their love for ALL their neighbors, not just the straight ones.  And also when 120+ youth walked by.  Seriously?  That many kids recognize who they are and are proud of it and/or accept their fellow classmates for who they are rather than bullying them to their death (as we see in the news so often)? 

Then tonight one of my favorite singers performed AT MY COUSINS' HOUSE!  I didn't even know my cousin knew who she was.  I love the small concerts I go to, I love house concerts even more.  And to see 2 of my worlds collide- my family world and my music world- I always love that.  Watching someone do what they love because they love it in front of a crowd who truly appreciates it always brings tears to my eyes.  Thank you Rachael Sage for sharing your gifts.

Fairy

Thanks to Signe Pike's book Faery Tale (http://signepike.com/home/) I rediscovered & expanded an old love of mine- Fairies.

I was never crazy obsessed with them or gave them tons of thought, but I have always clapped my heart out in the part of Peter Pan that asks you to clap if you believe to save Tinkerbell.

And a part of me has always believed, and an even bigger part of me has always wanted to believe.  I never actually liked Tinkerbell, she was kind of bitchy, but the new Tinkerbell movies have redeemed my view of her (though not an accurate depiction of fairies).

Anyway, Signe Pike's book tapped into my old love while expanded my view of "fairies" to a way that spoke to me and had meaning to me now.  Since then I have bought many books on "fairies," watched documentaries on the topic, google searched countless times, etc.  Since reading the book and attempting in my own ways to reconnect to and expand my old love, it's been amazing what I've learned and what things have connected.

I don't talk about it often as most people have a pretty narrow view of what "fairies" are and what someone who claims to believe in them are like.  And the fae is too complex of a topic to write about here.  I encourage you to get and read Signe's book or at least do some "googling" of your own to find some of the deeper meanings of the concept of fairies.

However, this blog is called, the little things are the big things, so I will attempt to stick to that topic and not go too deep below the surface.

As I've made clear, there is much deeper meaning to me now when it comes to "fairies" but this respark in the subject for me has led to some fun things. 

For one, I have been able to have a lot of fun with the young girls I have nannied.  One, named Signe ironically, loves fairies because of the Tinkerbell movies.  She even made her own fairy house in her bedroom!  Often while I was watching her she would stop what she was doing & run to her room & check the house to try to spot a fairy.  I think she loved having an adult that shared and encouraged her belief (I should say another adult as her family does too).  While her knowledge of fairies was Tinkerbell movies, I was able to add some, like when she would get dissapointed when there wasn't a fairy in her house I was able to explain to her that just because she couldn't see them didn't mean they weren't there.  She and I used to write stories and I wrote one all about her and a fairy that came to live in her fairy house.  Her eyes and smile got huge as I read it to her the first time.  I also read to her a chapter book from the Tinkerbell series.  I think she also loved having someone she could show off her new fairy stuff (dolls, books, a fairy journal she created, etc.) to.  Another time I brought a book I got from the library that had stories about different types of fae and read those to her.

The other little girl I nanny for and I made fairy houses together twice.













Thanks to the magazine Indianapolis Monthly I found out about Indiana's Stonehenge in Brown County.  Obviously a magical spot my roomie and I went there one day.  While there I found an obvious fairy doorway-

So I spruced it up a bit for them and left a little gift of chocolate & wine.

I posted these pics on facebook & Signe's (the girl I nannied for) mom left this comment- Signe wanted me to remind you to "keep checking it when you go back there, to see if the juice (wine) and chocolate are gone." Signe thinks you did "a very very very very good job."

My roomie went back to that spot another time and so I texted Signe's mom to tell Signe that my roomie said the chocolate & "juice" were gone.  Signe, being a super smart 5 year old said that an animal could have eaten it so I had to check inside & suggested I put out more food but cover it so animals wouldn't get it.  I texted my roomie letting her know Signe wanted to know if she had checked inside and my wonderful roomie said this "Yes I did...they are very sneaky and it looked like a good home, but they didn't want to be seen yet."  Upon relaying this message back to Signe she smiled, laughed, & jumped up & down.  I have gone back a few times since and always leave something for them.

And for fun, after I was a fairy for Halloween-

I had a photographer friend do me a little photoshop favor :)

So one book, someone sharing their own story and journey, brought back childhood memories and dreams, led to me connecting to the imaginations of young girls, created a lot of fun for me, and has had a great spiritual impact on me.

So even if you don't believe in fairies (I'm clapping as I say this!), I'm sure you can appreciate aspects of this story and see again how "the little things are the big things."

Christmas Carol Dog

This happened awhile ago, but I didn't think to put it here until now.

One day my roomie and I had gone somewhere together and when we got home we got out of the car and the neighbors dog was barking. Funny thing was though, it barked a familiar tune- "Woof-Woof-Woof, Woof-Woof-Woof, Woof-Woof-Woof Woof-Woof!" With a bewildered look on my face I said to my roomie "Did that dog just bark a Christmas carol?" To which my roomie responded "Yes, Jingle Bells!" Yep, the dog had barked Jingle Bells. We both heard it. My roomie thought it in her head, but doubted the possibility, but the fact that I heard it too and expressed it aloud proved it was not a figment of our imaginations.

Ani in Carmel

I nanny in Carmel, IN. It is one of the richer towns (and all that goes with that) of Indiana, especially in the Indy area. While driving the woman I work for around, I noticed the car in front of me had Ani DiFranco and her record label Righteous Babe Records stickers. I was pleased to see even in Carmel there is at least one Ani lover.

Walmart Kindness

I don't really like Walmart. Sometimes I am a terrible person though and shop there.

Anyway...

On Tuesday night I go to my friends' house and spend the night so that I can get up early and go to Carmel to nanny 2  children for twelve hours. This is not a normal nanny job. The mother is there. I am there because she has epilepsy. This means in addition to watching the children, I am also driving them wherever they need to go and helping with house work. After that I go back to my friends' house, sleep another night, then get up early and do it all again for another twelve hours.

Yesterday after I finished my second 12 hour day for the week which consisted of screaming children, potty training, cleaning up soiled children and their clothes, vacuuming, mopping, taking down a Christmas tree, etc, I had to pick up dog food on my way home. The closest store on my way home that was still open and had it was Walmart.

As soon as I walked in I saw a former refugee client that gave me quite a bit of trouble (one example- calling me on a day off leaving a message that it was an emergency for me to find out they simply wanted to find out how to get cable tv and knew I would only answer on my day off if they said it was an emergency...this is the same family that had their neighbor call and yell at me that they were starving and had no money for food and I was doing nothing to help them...). So I went in the complete opposite direction I needed to and luckily avoided her seeing me.

Then when I walked to the checkout 3 lines were open, insanely long lines. This led me to think..."hmmm...a bottle of wine would be a very nice thing considering all of this to take home for me and my roomies." Went back all the way to the back of the store to the alcohol section only to see a sign stating "Looking for wine? For your convenience we have moved our wine to our new liquor store at the front of the store." Convenience? Ha. Went to the front, didn't see a liquor store, gave up, got in super long line.

I know what you're thinking. "Jill, this is a lot of complaining. I thought this blog was supposed to be inspirational." Well, you are right. I feel this long, drawn out description of the woefulness of my day is necessary for you to see why this "little thing" that happened meant so much. So here it is...

Shortly after getting in line a worker came out and told 3 of us in line that had only a couple things that she would take us at the jewelry counter. The other 2 had been in line in front of me, but let me go first because I had less items than them. And the worker told us she was about to get off, but came out of the bathroom and saw the long line so decided to do this real quick before going home. These little sacrifices these people made that really didn't take much effort on their part, but are things many people wouldn't do, meant a lot to me that day. It helped me to get home a little earlier, boosted my faith in humanity a bit, made me stop being annoyed, and made me get over feeling sorry for myself.

So next time you can go out of your way a little bit for someone else, do it. You never know the day they had and how it might help them and make them feel.

Nannying

I am now nannying for 2 families. While I haven't posted on here lately and can't really think of specific "little-big" moments lately, I believe due to needing to reconnect with a lot of things (mostly myself), I am seeing how I come to notice and feel this way about the "little-big things." I point out the little things to the kids- how the shadows get bigger and smaller depending on how close to the light the object is, a bird's nest in a tree, a hot-air balloon floating through the sky,a squirrel scurrying up a tree, the light reflecting off of something and making rainbows on the wall, etc. I don't normally think twice about it. Just comes naturally for me, but sometimes I realize that the things I point out to them are things a lot of people would just overlook. It comes so naturally to me though because my mom and grandma always did that with me. They taught me to notice and appreciate these things. So I guess, we can thank them for this blog. :)

A Dog's Reflection

The other day I was stopped at a red light and beside me was a man in a car with his dog in the passenger seat. Where he was parked there was a window on a building on the other side. What made me notice this man and his dog is that the dog started barking. When I realized why the dog was barking I started laughing. The dog was barking at his reflection in the window. The owner of the dog started laughing too. He pulled up a little so the dog couldn't see the window anymore and the dog stopped barking and acted as though nothing happened. The man never noticed me, but we were both still chuckling as the light turned green.

Funny Mailman

Yesterday I got the mailbox keys for some of my clients and was filling out the paper inside the mailbox so the mailman knows they are no longer vacant. The mailman was there when I did this and started talking to me about how the mailbox works and where to mail letters out, etc. Before we parted ways he said "Do you have time for a joke?" I said "Of course." He said "it's corny." I said "My favorite kind." His joke: "Where were the first french fries made...?"
Me: "I don't know, where?"
The answer: "In Grease"
Ha.

Hope In The Social Security Office

I work with refugees so I am often at the social security office. You can imagine that this is a boring place often with a lot of frustrated people. But everyonce in awhile something small happens that restores my faith in humanity (what this blog is devoted to really) and the other day something happened at the social security office that brought tears to my eyes. An older woman came in and started to sit down. About 3 people told her that she needed to get a number first and 2 of the 3 got up to help her figure out the touch-screen. The woman who helped her didn't stop there though, she sat down with her and helped her fill out the application for a new social security card. People could have ignored this woman, let her figure it out herself, let someone else do it, but a few different people (different types of people too) took the time to help someone different than them that didn't even ask for the help.

The First 3 Letters Of Your Name

"To the young lady I met on Wednesday, I was very pleased to meet you. I would very much like to see you again. Please write the first three letters of your name on this note if you feel the same. -Charles"

I found this on a note taped to a telephone pole in my neigborhood.

Superman

There's a little boy on my street who everytime I see him he is in a Superman costume.

Man In The Mirror

The other day my roomie and I were on our way to the State Fair to see MC Hammer perform. When we went it was rush hour so traffic was kinda stop and go. We came to be by a car with a guy who was playing "Man In The Mirror" (my fave MJ song) and singing along very loudly and very into it. We started dancing and singing too and so he turned it up for us. We were alongside him for a bit and all 3 of us were just jamming. Never exchanged any words or anything, just let MJ bring us together in a short and random way.

Ice Cream

Yesterday we took our neighbor boys to the walk-up Dairy Queen down the street.